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REWARDING.

This was a year for change for our family and for me personally. The one word that encapsulates 2009 for me better than any other is “Rewarding.” Oh what a year. Whether it was watching our sweet daughter grow into her personality, changing careers, or nourishing my relationship with my husband, 2009 was rewarding.

I can only hope 2010 has as much to offer as 2009 did.

Today’s topic for the #best09 blog challenge:

December 17 Word or phrase. A word that encapsulates your year. “2009 was _____.”

December 8 Moment of peace. An hour or a day or a week of solitude. What was the quality of your breath? The state of your mind? How did you get there?

As a working mom it’s definitely difficult to find those moments of peace. Lately I’ve realized I need to take steps to ensure I get even short moments where I’m not working, thinking about my family or any number of million things that need to get done in a day.

Although I’ve started making sure to do little things like give myself a facial mask every now and then, stretch and breathe before going to bed or even play sudoku to take my mind off things, I still have a long way to go.

The view from my hotel room in NYC

The one moment though that stands out to me was on my trip to New York in October. One night after having dinner with co-workers I was ridiculously full and decided to go for a walk. I didn’t go too far really, just a few blocks around the hotel. It was a crisp night and it was great to feel the vibe of the city.

As I walked through Times Square (not normally an area of the city I love) where the flash of the lights and the sound of music and other noise is deafening, I ran across this man playing “drums.” In those few minutes as I stood there watching this amazing guy I forgot where I was. His music grabbed me and pulled me in. The craziness around me was gone.

The moment didn’t last long… a few minutes at best. But I had my handly flip video camera with me and had been shooting all sorts of random things that evening. I actually didn’t even realize I was taping (is that even the right thing to say??) him until I went to put money in the hat and remembered!

Walking through the city that night was somehow quite relaxing, and this man playing drums was the icing on the cake. I walked back to the hotel and the wind had picked up. When I got up to my room I realized  I was absolutely freezing, but the smile on my face made me forget all about it.

Oh! And I can’t forget this gem. Although it wasn’t the most relaxing part of my stroll around NYC, it was the most exciting! This is how my walk that night began:

Yea, uh huh. That’s Jude Law! Maybe this is what kicked off the serenity in my walk.

I <3 NYC!

This is my version of Rudy and my recent road trip. I wanted to document it as well as attempt to take a few good photos. Rudy is the real photographer though, and if you want to see amazing photos of the trip, be sure to check them out here: Road Trip: December 5 – Laramie and Brush.

As I was going through the photos and trying out various free editing software, an idea formed. Why not tell the story in photos? It was a fabulous day, although it was seriously freezing outside. We look forward to having this road trips in Seattle soon!

December 5 Night out. Did you have a night out with friends or a loved one that rocked your world? Who was there? What was the highlight of the night?

This is actually a tough one. I don’t go out nearly as much as a used to! For one, the economy has more or less kicked our butts, and if you have kids you know how hard it can be to coordinate a night out. Plus, since I manage an online community I usually need to do a little work at night. This was also a tough topic because the times I have gone out, have all been pretty wonderful.

The beauty if being picky and choosy about when you go out and when you don’t/can’t is that it seems to limit the number of boring – sucky – expensive – so so – nights. Rather than pick just one, I decided to describe the top 5 awesomely magnificent nights of 2009.

Night Out With Best Friends

I’m actually not really sure of the exact date and this may very well have been in December 2008. I think it still qualifies though because the pictures didn’t get posted to Facebook until February 2009. This is a group of friends from college including Melissa and Teresa who also write (ehem) here at MomsByte. Melissa was in town from far away South Africa so we had a fun night with some of my very best friends in Fort Collins (where we went to college).

Jen, Aubrey, Melissa and Teresa at the Rio in Fort Collins

Wishing Good Friends Farewell at Mataam Fez

What an amazing night I had with my husband Rudy and our friends Lindsay, Eric, Evan, Cindy and Jesus. This was out first time to Mataam Fez, a wonderful Moroccan restaurant in Denver. Lindsay and Eric moved to Seattle a few days later and this was our last time seeing them until we went to Seattle in June. We had such a great time! We ate, danced, laughed and just had an amazing time with great friends.

Rudy, happily giving the belly dancer a dollar

Celebrating My New Job

We invited a bunch of friends out in April to celebrate my new job. We went to Patrick Carroll’s which is just a few blocks from where we live. Many past co-workers joined us plus quite a few of our friends. The best part of the night though was when we went back to our house and some of the guys played guitar while the rest of us stole our daughter’s (she was at grandma’s house) instruments. We stayed up way too late, singing, goofing around and laughing up a storm. It was the perfect way to kick off what was the beginning of many, many changes in our lives.

We ran out of adult-sized instruments

A Fun (and very late) Night with the JDs in NYC

In October I went to New York City for a job-related conference. There were plenty of conference parties, and great times out with my professional friends. However the night that made this top 5 list was my last night in NYC. I have two friends named JD who both live in NY and we went out on the town. Hah! Ok, not really. But we did find an amazing (and inexpensive) restaurant called the Hummus Kitchen in Hell’s Kitchen (JD #1’s new ‘hood). From there we spent the next few hours (went to bed around 5am) checking out the neighborhood.

The perfect JD sandwich

We went to a couple bars, at one we got everyone at the bar (ok there were 8 people total including the bartender, but it was like 2am or so) to take a shot. We also stopped for dessert and coffee at some point and ended up back at my hotel room and Skyped with Melissa (who was just waking up in South Africa). This was one of those nights that “just happened” and it was absolutely perfect.

Killers Concert at Red Rocks!

I’m not sure this one needs much of an explanation. I mean seriously… seeing the Killers at Red Rocks was amazing!

Fans going crazy at the Killers concert

We met for dinner first, then headed over to Red Rocks. I hadn’t been to a concert in over a year so I was super excited! We made our way down to pretty close to the stage, which was great for watching the show. However when it was time to leave, we had to climb our way out to get back to the car.   The parking lot was a complete mess – of course – so we hung out for a while. We had a great time taking photos and generally messing around while we watched the crazy people trying to leave.

Yun, Jozianne, Jen, Laura, Eric and Josette feeling the love after the Killers concert

Whew! The biggest takeway I’ve found from reflecting on my best nights out in 2009 is that I truly have a great group of friends. I’m so grateful to have many people in my life who I love and care for. Thanks everyone!

Obviously there are still a few more weeks in December, and I’m hopeful that there will be at least one memorable night to add to this list.

December 3 Article. What’s an article that you read that blew you away? That you shared with all your friends. That you Delicious’d and reference throughout the year.

Oh! And actually this is my 3rd post in 2 days because I got a few people from work to give up their favorite articles of year as well, and put a post together.

So, everyone (I say everyone but mean the 3 other people who read this blog) is going to think I’m a big kiss-up or something. But out of all the articles I’ve read this year – and I read a LOT, as it’s part of my job – the one that grabbed me, pulled me closer than knocked my socks off was this: Intention: How do you start your day? from Gwen Bell.

Ok, to be honest it was this post over on Outspokenmedia.com that first turned me on to Gwen. After reading that post, I started following Gwen on Twitter. August was a crazy busy month for me, and honestly I wasn’t paying much attention to my Twitter stream. But in September, I saw a tweet from Gwen that caught my eye.

(btw just in case you’re wondering, this is how I found the tweet Yes. I’m a geek)

I clicked over and saw the post mentioned above. It was in the middle of the work day, so I quickly scrolled through, thought “ok this is interesting, I’ll come back to that” and went on with my day. A day or so later, I remembered it and went back to check it out.

Now, I was going through a pretty rough (as in I was being a major crab ass) time. There wasn’t any one thing that was making me blue, just being busy, life changes, etc. And I found myself every day going back and re-reading this post. I’ve always been pretty lazy and absolutely hate getting up in the morning. I loved the idea that the way you started your day was the way your day would go. I mean, come on… it’s not profound or anything, but for some reason I had never really thought of it before.

Once upon a time I had also become interested in Buddhism and Zazen but let life take control and although I never lost interest, I also never read more, practiced enough (ok at all) or tried… really. Watching the video of Patrick (below) made me laugh and honestly reading the post was quite relaxing to me. Seriously, check out the post. The content, the layout, the photos, it’s all very calming.

So I set out to make some changes. Not just to my morning routine (which usually started with me complaining about something) but to my entire schedule. I had to kick myself into gear, think positively, be positive, get my shit together. There. I said it! I was a mess.

I’m still a bit of a mess… haha I suppose it takes some time. But this post pointed me in the right direction and got me on my feet. Thinking about what was important to me, how did I want to portray myself (and be) to others, was I really this crabby 36 year old mom and wife? Remember these are questions to myself… no need to answer that last one.

The point is…the article rocked my socks off and started me off on the right foot (well maybe the left foot because the left is best, right? heh). The next article of hers that launched me into something new was How to create your personal manifesto. But that one will have to wait for another day. I’m pretty sure you’re bored to death right now (and yes, I mean you… the one person who’s read this far).

Thanks Gwen. I really appreciate your positive attitude and sharing your ideas with others.

That’s us looking closer in, smaller houses, older houses (many of which haven’t been updated, but are “cute” and charming in their own way) and expensive.   This weekend we are going out to the ‘burbs.  I’m sure we’ll find one we really like.  I have resisted until this point because once I go out there and see the houses you can get for the same amount of money, there will be no going back.  We may even find one with a screened in porch.  Wouldn’t that be fun!

I like to think that I can be a city girl living close to the metro line, etc., but when it comes down to it I think I’m more comfortable in the ‘burbs.

Stay tuned…..

Photo attributions:

I remember this day vividly. It started off with me driving to work very, very tired. As with most nights, I didn’t sleep very well. My sweet Eva had been kicking me all night, and I had bad leg cramps. But off to work I went, my co-workers had planned a baby shower for me, and I was really looking forward to it.

Right off, I got into a fight with a friend/co-worker. Of course I was quite hormonal at the time, and probably picked the fight. I was a royal pain the ass! I feel quite sorry for my fellow co-workers and am grateful that they didn’t all completely shun me. Anyway, I remember being quite stressed that day. I had to leave a little early because I was getting my hair cut after work. So I was trying to get everything done before I left.

I also had a lot of stuff on my mind, you know, being pregnant and all. Thoughts of packing for the hospital, a list of to-dos, etc. had been going through my mind. Anyway, I ran out the door that afternoon feeling bad for leaving my desk a mess because I had planned to work from home the next day. And I was still a bit upset over the fight I had had earlier. But nonetheless, I had a hair appointment I had to get to! I would clean my desk, and mend my friendship later.

As I drove home that night from my getting my hair cut, I remember being so so sleepy. I told myself that I would go to bed as soon as I got home. Of course, that didn’t actually happen. I let the dog out, made myself something to eat, then got online. I was trying to finish up my to-do list, and was feeling chatty.

When I finally went to bed, I remember laying there thinking about what all I had to do the coming weekend. For the most part I was ready for Eva, but I have a few last minute details to finish up. But no worries, I had the weekend to do that. Luckily I also had been thinking about what to pack for the hospital (of course it would have come in even handier had I actually PACKED the suitcase). And I remembered thinking, wow only a month to go. I bet this little girl comes earlier than that though.

The next morning, I awoke to a very strange feeling and quickly realized my water had broke. Eva was here. My life had changed for the better. Happy Birthday my sweet Eva! Thank you for making my life more enjoyable. I love you!

What about being mentally focused? This is definitely something I struggle with. I lead such a busy life (as most people I know do…) that I find it difficult to stay on track. I’m constantly thinking about everything I need to get done at work, everything I need to do with and for Eva, all the things I want to do for myself, and worrying about money and time constraints. The list really could go on and on, but I won’t bore you with the nitty gritty.

When I lay down at night, my brain seems to kick into overdrive. I start thinking about how I need to find a better brand of diapers, because the ones we use now leak. I remember that I need to take my leased car to the dealership for a tune up. I realize that I forgot to call my grandmother back. I remember the fact that I have to give a presentation tomorrow and I haven’t prepared for it at all because I’ve been “focused” on other things. Then there’s the biggest question of all… If I myself can’t stay focused and keep my mind clear, how do I show/teach Eva?

Clear mind is like the full moon in the sky. Sometimes clouds come and cover it, but the moon is always behind them. Clouds go away, then the moon shines brightly. So don’t worry about clear mind: it is always there. When thinking comes, behind it is clear mind. When thinking goes, there is only clear mind. Thinking comes and goes, comes and goes, You must not be attached to the coming or the going.
—Zen Master Seung Sahn

So what’s my plan? Well I’m working on it. I know that I need to let go of the things I can’t change, and focus on the things that matter. I added the quote above because I really think that Zen Buddhism makes a lot of sense. Although I may never find Enlightenment, I would sure be happy to quiet my brain down a bit and get rid of some of the clutter. I’m reading a few books that are helping me (or should I say that I am using to help myself) to let go of the past, and not fret about the future. The moment is now. I might as well live it to the fullest.

This is really the only way that I can see myself being a good mom. If I myself can learn to live in the moment and be happy with life NOW as opposed to the way it was, or the way it could be… then I’m setting my daughter up to be one stable, happy woman.

How do you keep focused?

Playgroup - Kieran (10 months) is second from left

Some people don’t enjoy the baby stage. I even loved being pregnant—but I won’t go there cause I’m afraid of hate-mail. I’m lucky to love everything about babies including their smell, the cuddles and even the night-time feedings. It’s such a special time. I get broody when I see other babes. But I have also seen how much of my attention was used up by having four. It’s hard to spread yourself around and I don’t want to deprive my two boys of their mom time, not to mention time for the hubby too. So do I want more? I know I should be taking into consideration many factors like financially are we able? is it feasible with having to travel so much? Really, my decision will come from my heart. Many folks have told me “you’ll just know”. But it’s been five years since I was last pregnant and I still don’t know!

I recently had the luxury of going on a vacation with my husband, but without my kids. Our very own time-out. It was a much needed break. My sister spent the week with the kids while we went to Jamaica. It was great. A much needed time to recharge. Don’t get me wrong I love my kids and love being a mom, but for me to be a good mom, I need my own time too. Not to mention that my husband and I needed some time just to ourselves so we could “reconnect”. With a move coming up and living the past six months in limbo of not knowing exactly when we will be moving, our relationship has become a little strained. I’m the type of person who PLANS everything. So this state of “not knowing” has been killing me. But now we are back from our vacation and back to reality. So we continue to clean and touch up the house so it’s ready to go on the market when my husband gets his final job offer.